partners and recovery.

I read somewhere in the papers that having a supportive spouse helped people in their recovery. i was wondering what people think of that? I can look back at some very destructive drinking times and i see that loneliness was part of what drove me, an unspoken excuse..


Rolf Ankermann's picture

It certainly can't hurt. I met my fiancé a year and a half after I got clean and life is clearly much more enjoyable when you have a significant other in your life that you truly are in love with. But as far as "recovery" goes, it really does have to come from within but support from people who care for you is always nice. The year and a half between my separation and my divorce was the loneliest and darkest period of my life. That's when my drinking got so bad that the first thing I did when I opened my eyes in the morning was grab the bottle of vodka and a cigarette. So yeah, loneliness can definitely push you to the depths of despair.
live_free_or_die's picture

Yeah, a supportive significant other will be a great help to ANYBODY in any ENDEAVOR. Period.

A supportive spouse would definitely be a positive when someone is trying to quit drinking or taking drugs (please note I did not use the ridiculous term "recovery").

LFOD's Blog ©2014 AA:MyNotGodHasItCovered® NOT AA: Rational Recovery, SOS, HAMS

But when I hear the word ‘Recovery’ I cringe. I would like to add that “Recovery” is not healthy in a relationship when it goes on for forever – with no end in sight. Have you ever noticed how many relationships there are in AA where both partners are in A.A.? My experience is that 12 Steps can be very challenging on a marriage. (Challenging but not Impossible!) My best analogy is religion. I would suspect any relationship would be strained if one person decided to convert to another religion and the other did not. In answer to your question as Rolf wrote- a supportive relationship helps but it really comes from within.

AA's idea of support is to join Alanon - a 12 Step program for the non-Alcoholic.... with the same Billshit!

A few posters here, including me have been bitten by that one.

who'll tear you down and spit fire on your concern

Take what you like ...and leave the abuse ...for unwitting newcomers? [sarcasm]

ive never managed to find the one. the one i thought was her, wasn't. it was easy to waste myself when the pain was raw,but time rolls on as i age i cant give myself those excuses anymore today i am who i am because i am the person who has to look at myself in the mirror if you can understand that.. i don't want to be the guy who fights,drinks all night,..the animal and im not anymore,thats not because of my missus its because i got older,i got sick of feeling fucked up,and i want some money. me i did it,turned my life around. maturing out? i would say tho that its easier to make risky decisions when you have no one else to think of.
Orange's picture

The quote that you are thinking of came from the Harvard Mental Health Letter, in their article that described successful recovery from addictions.
On their own There is a high rate of recovery among alcoholics and addicts, treated and untreated. According to one estimate, heroin addicts break the habit in an average of 11 years. Another estimate is that at least 50% of alcoholics eventually free themselves although only 10% are ever treated. One recent study found that 80% of all alcoholics who recover for a year or more do so on their own, some after being unsuccessfully treated. When a group of these self-treated alcoholics was interviewed, 57% said they simply decided that alcohol was bad for them. Twenty-nine percent said health problems, frightening experiences, accidents, or blackouts persuaded them to quit. Others used such phrases as "Things were building up" or "I was sick and tired of it." Support from a husband or wife was important in sustaining the resolution. Treatment of Drug Abuse and Addiction — Part III, The Harvard Mental Health Letter, Volume 12, Number 4, October 1995, page 3. (See Aug. (Part I), Sept. (Part II), Oct. 1995 (Part III).)

grew up in a large family. I met my future husband when I was 20, had my first baby at 21. When we broke up 14 years later I got together with a guy the same month and spent 8 years with him. He was total opposite than my xhusband just fyi. The same month I ended it with this guy I got involved with another man, a newcomer again after a relapse after a period of 13 years sober in AA/NA. I had 6 months, and he had 60 days when we met. We lasted 5 years. I loved our relationship cause we were busy in the program together. But he wasn't happy. Course I even went in the mental hospital once so I wasn't all good either. I liked the relationship cause it was the first one where we both kept our eyes on our own behavior and admitted it promptly when we were wrong when we fought. But we were both crazy and he went back to heroine and I left him fearing for my life! We are still great friends. I was a terrible 'friend' when he used again. Just disgraceful. He is a wonderful person. I will always adore him. I thought he would have died within a year! Well it's been 6 years now, and he appears to be as fit as a fiddle! Who would've known? Wrong again NA! What I wanted to say when I began writing is that I have never been alone for more than 6 months until now. I was on my own for a while when I was 19, that's it! And life is too short not to spend some of it alone! This is a great experience and I would not want to go through life never knowing what it's like. So don't think you've got it all that good just cause you have a spouse! LOL No, just kidding. I am happy for anyone happily united. But when I have been in a relationship I always wonder what it'd be like to be on my own, and when I'm on my own I tend to pine for a fkg relationship! LOL Not anymore. I like myself. I like how I spend my time and have no one to answer to but myself. This has been real good for me. I hope to fall in love again someday but only if it is right. I love myself. I love my life. No more pretending just to get along. It will work only if it works. It feels so much better than how I felt in the past when in between men. Kind of like how I felt as a child. I didn't need anyone then either.

yes that was the quote thank you mr orange i wonder what the stat would be for crazy pisshead bastards who dont have significant others? i think this problem is more simple than we think..