Famous Last Words
Things the Addiction Monster will whisper in your ear to try to
get you to drink, smoke, or use a little something:
- It's been so long since I've had one, I have it under control now.
- I can do just one; it will be okay.
- It's time to return to normalcy, and be just like everyone else.
Translation: Go back to drinking just like everybody else. (I shouldn't have to
abstain when they don't.)
- I just want one relaxing evening, like in the good old days.
- I can do just a little bit, it won't hurt anything, and it will feel great.
- Let's just have one for old times' sake.
- Ah, for the good old days, when we could just kick back, and put our feet
up, and do whatever we wanted to do.
- Ah yes, the good old days, back before we started this insane routine of
self-denial that they are calling recovery.
- Screw those people who are trying to keep us from having fun. Who are they
to try to run our lives, anyway?
- We deserve to have a good time. We've worked so hard for so long, and put
up with so much suffering and hardships, we richly deserve some of life's
little pleasures now.
- The other guys might think there is something weird about me if I don't have
one with them.
- I should have a drink with these people. If I refuse to drink, and tell
them that I'm an alcoholic, they will all think that I'm weird.
- I can't hang out with these guys without also having some, too.
- I must have one, now!
- Even if it does cause a little damage, I've been off of the stuff for so
long now that I can afford a little damage.
- I can do a few now without getting readdicted. It will never again have a
hold over me like it used to.
- Aren't you tired of torturing yourself? Why do you persist in denying
yourself life's little pleasures? Why do you persist in putting yourself
through all of this pain and all of these cravings? You know you will
relapse sooner or later anyway, so why not make it now, and feel good now?
- I can do just a little, and no one will ever know, and it will be okay.
- Aren't we really overdoing it just a bit here, with this whole total
abstinence thing? I mean, it isn't like just one or two will kill us.
- I can't really loosen up and have a good time without a little of something.
- It's just so unfair that other people can have a good time, and I can't.
So I'm going to make things fair.
- I'm so tired of all of this, of fighting this battle. I just want to rest,
and relax, for a while.
- It's all so depressing. I don't even feel like life is worth living.
Might as well just get stoned and forget the whole thing.
- I shouldn't be having these cravings. I shouldn't have to suffer from
cravings like this. So let's put a stop to them, right now.
- Fuck it! Just fuck it! I just want to get high!
- Oh well, some experts say that relapsing is a normal part of recovery. I
hear that lots of people relapse half a dozen times before they really quit
forever. So I still have five relapses to go. It'll be okay...
- I feel so stressed out right now, I just need a little hit to get me on an
- Ah, for just one grand blow-out, just for tonight...
- I just wanna get totally righteously ripped, just one more time.
- I just want a vacation from my pain.
- I don't want to insult this guy by not drinking with him. If I only
drink with him, then it will be okay. I can't get readdicted that way.
- This evening is so boring, might as well have a beer.
- We've been doing so good for so long, totally abstaining without any
cheating whatsoever, it's time to celebrate.
- We've got it under control now. I don't have any cravings any more.
I don't even think about drinking any more. That's why it's okay to
have one, right now.
- Okay, we've succeeded. We've got a year of sobriety. We don't have anything
left to prove to anybody. Might as well relax and have one now.
- Workers of the world, unite! It's Miller Time!
- Have a drink just to spite those A.A. assholes and show that you can do it.
- God! Would a cigarette feel good right now!
- God! Would a tall cold one feel good right now!
- All that talk about the bad things that will happen if we relapse is
long-term stuff. It isn't relevant for the short term, so we can indulge just
for tonight and it will be okay.
- Maybe if I went down to Mexico... I could vacation and drink down there,
and it wouldn't have anything to do with what happens up here...
- This occasion is special. It's okay to drink this one special time.
Pass that champagne over here, please.
- I'm in a lot of pain. A little to take the edge off of the pain will be okay.
[I find that if being in pain is an acceptable excuse for drinking, then I'm in
pain all of the time.]
- Don't think! Just grab the drink!
- I wanna be free. I wanna get away from here and get to a place where nobody
is telling me what to do anymore. I just wanna get to a place where I can do
what I wanna to do.
- Now that I'm retired, I don't have to do what anybody else says.
I don't have to care what anybody else thinks. I can drink all I want.
- Things aren't really as bad as the doctor was saying. I know he was
exaggerating, just trying to scare me into quitting, that's all...
- But it's free! How can you resist when it's free?
- Slips are okay. A little slipping won't hurt. It'll be fun. If everybody
else is slipping and lapsing, then why shouldn't we?
- Look at those people. They seem to be able to drink and smoke
all of the time, and it isn't killing them. So I should be able to do it too...
- Just Christmas and New Years. If I only drink at Christmas and New Years,
then I can't get into trouble with that. That'll be okay.
- Heck, we're all going to die eventually. In the end, all you'll have to
look back on is how much fun you had, or didn't have because you missed out on
all of it. So let's have some fun and go out in a blaze of glory.
- It's Friday night (or Saturday night), and look at all of those pretty
girls out on the street, looking for a party and love in all of the wrong
places (and in all of the right places too). If I went and partied with
them, I could get laid.
- Heck, your parents messed you up so bad emotionally that you'll never be
right, so there isn't much you can do except get stoned.
- Oh I'm in so much stress right now that I can't stand it. I just need a
cigarette and a beer to calm me down.
- I can't quit right now. Last night can't be the last time. My last high
must be a great high, something to remember for the rest of my life, and last
night was terrible. So I can't quit now.
- We can do it (party and get high for one night) because we are strong and
smart and we can handle it.
- I know, I'll be a wandering Zen monk, a free spirit, detached from it all,
free to do anything. I'll be above and beyond the problem.
- The system is rigged against us. The rich write the rules so that they stay
rich and we stay poor. So all we can do is enjoy life however we can.
- Oh heck, it's Friday.
- You only live once...
- I just want one last big blow-out party, just for the fun of it.
[That one popped up 3 years after quitting drinking. The obvious answer to that is,
"We already had that last party a long time ago..."]
- I need a little inspiration. This is a big, important job, and I need
to come up with a creative, original concept. So I need a little liquid inspiration
to help get the creative juices flowing. It's a tool, after all...
- All of this obsession with "your sobriety", and your being clean and
sober, is just selfishness. You are just concerned about yourself.
If you were really selfless, you would go down to the bar and have one with
the boys to cheer them up.
- Life has passed me by, so there is no point in not having a good time
now. I've got no future. I've got nothing left to lose.
- Heck, we're in Las Vegas. What happens here, stays here.
- We're in New Orleans. It's Mardis Gras. You don't imagine that it's
appropriate to stay sober all this week, now do you?
- Oh well, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.
- Don't you want to come home, to the good times again?
- Oh heck, we deserve to relax once in a while...
- The best times were when we were smoking and drinking. We should go back there again.
The best writing was while you were smoking.
- I never took that drug much. I was never into that drug,
and I never had a problem with that drug, so it's okay if I take
that drug now.
- You smoked and drank when you were young, so you can return to the glory days of
your youth by smoking and drinking again.
- Okay, so I'm an alcoholic. So what? Might as well have a good time anyway.
- ...And on, and on, and on...
Your base brain may well come up with some new ones that I haven't
But if you hold out, then the Addictive Voice really will tire, and
run down, like a noisy wind-up alarm clock eventually running down.
Eventually. The longer you resist, the easier it gets.
From the web page about the Lizard-Brain Addiction Monster,