Lyndsey Grace R****

Ironic's picture
Submitted by Ironic on Thu, 03/15/2012 - 08:58

Was 23 years old when she died a year ago today from diabetic ketoacidosis brought on by crack cocaine and who knows what else.

She was an amazing girl. Salutatorian of her high school class, even though she didn't like school. After she graduated she got her ASE certification so she could work on cars. She LOVED cars. She was real fuckin smart too. She was a little white girl crack dealer and she beat federal trafficking charges and did 3 months in county as opposed to 5+ years in prison..where I wish she had gone so she would maybe still be here.

She went to something like eight different (12 Step) rehabs and multiple halfway houses. We met in rehab and we were room mates in halfway. I feel so bad for her parents. Stepper vultures got to her before she even turned 21..honestly I think she was 17 when she went to her first rehab. You know what they did, I don't even have to say it. They convinced her poor mother that AA/NA was the only way, and that they would get her better. I know from being in rehab with her that she sat in a corner where she was rarely addressed, and was never (maybe once in 4 weeks inpatient) called in for a private session with a therapist (none of us were. I had two private sessions in 7 weeks, more than most). Of course, they didn't mind cashing her check. Who knows, maybe if she had received therapy to help her deal with her history of rape, she would have been able to stop using.

She was on probation while she was at rehab with me, so after inpatient she moved into a halfway owned by the head counselors (ex-ha that is a great fuckin story) BFF and continued on with outpatient. She slipped up (said she found a valium in her car, idk if that is true but I doubt it), and they told her they were going to call her probation officer...until her mom agreed to put up more money, of course. Who knows, maybe if she had been violated she would be in jail instead of dead.

I will always remember the advice she gave me "Play your cards right, and never let them see your hand."

Lyn, you are gone but not forgotten. I love you.

Comments

humanspirit

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 11:46

I’m SO sorry to hear about your friend. Ironic. What a sad story – and she was so young, too.

When will people in our countries wake up and realize that the12 step programme and AA/NA is NOT any kind of ‘treatment’ for addiction? It is a complete fraud that has its own built-in excuses for its own failure. HOW are they allowed to get away with it? That she was refused any kind of one-to-one therapy or counselling says it all really.

But maybe this is not the time for a rant about what we all know already. RIP, Lyn, and thoughts go out to the parents too, who are truly victims of this scandalous fraud too.

Ironic's picture

Ironic

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 11:58

I've been doing my best, but I keep breaking out in tears in the middle of class today. People must think I am insane..hopefully no one has noticed.

When I got to rehab, I was so so thin. I gained weight and outgrew my clothes pretty quickly. She invited me to her room and gave me a pair of jeans with the tags still on them in a bigger size and said "Take them. Don't worry girl, you need em more than I do," or something along those lines. They are way too big on me now but I still have them folded up on a shelf.

I lit a yahrzeit candle for her at sundown yesterday. I made it four words into the Kaddish before I broke down. After I said the prayer I had to clean the makeup off my face. I'm glad I was alone.

Her sister was supposed to tell me when her ashes were to be interred (she was cremated). The family lives about 2 hours NW of me, but if they had some kind of ceremony I would have wanted to be there..but I didn't want to ask a second time. Maybe they want(ed?) that ceremony to be private.

massive's picture

massive

Fri, 03/16/2012 - 00:25

Im so sorry .:(

Massive

gigi

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 13:04

I am so sorry about your friend. My heart goes out to you and her family. You honor her memory by telling her story.

"If I forget who I am, I am myself. If I remember who I am, I am you."

mfc66uk

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 14:10

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost someone in a band I was in over 20 years ago but I still think of Him regularly, almost every day. He died of an overdose after giving up for a while on the anniversary of his mothers death. I remember the good things we shared and hope you do the same with your friend. Sadly my friends death brought home the reality of my own life at that time and has provided me and others with the motivation to turn our lives around in the years since then.

justme's picture

justme

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 14:26

Sorry to read about your loss. :(

causeandeffect's picture

causeandeffect

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 14:36

Oh Ironic, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I just don't know what to say. RIP Lyn.

Troll free AA critical forum
http://www.expaa.org/

"The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it." ~ Neil deGrasse Tyson

avogadno's picture

avogadno

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 16:00

RIP Lyndsey Grace.
Ironic, what a nice gesture for you two write about your friend and keep her alive with your thoughts and memories. Thanks for sharing it with us and helping me too. This story will keep me going along with all the other tragedies.

Pro Empowerment!
Truth about AA: http://orange-papers.org/menu1.html
Expose AA: http://www.expaa.org/

Ironic's picture

Ironic

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 17:02

But I really like what you guys said about keeping her alive with her story. She was NOT down with the 12 Steps and I don't think she would mind at all being discussed here. I kind of want to post her picture but honestly it wouldn't even do her justice. Blond hair blue eyes but that girl was a straight G. Lol I remember in rehab we had to name our diseases. She named her's Tyrone and said she imagined it as a big black guy. It makes me smile just remembering that.

She had a big blue pickup truck with fading (the style of going from dark to light, not faded) that she painted herself. It was pretty cool.

She texted me the night before she died asking if I was awake. By the time I saw it, she was gone. I will always wonder what she wanted to tell me, and wonder if I could have maybe saved her.

Persephone In Exile's picture

Persephone In Exile

Thu, 03/15/2012 - 17:21

Ironic, thank you for sharing her story and your memories. I'm sure it would mean a great deal to her.

http://badrecovery.blogspot.com/