Thinking about being a substance abuse counselor

Pennywise's picture
Submitted by Pennywise on Sun, 08/26/2012 - 19:02

I've been thinking about becoming a substance abuse counselor. I figure the client would come into my office, I'd let him talk for a bit, and then I'd say "if drugs and alcohol cause you so much grief, just don't use anymore. Next patient please!" If the patient had other issues, I'd just refer him out and collect my fee. It would be easy, and every patient who followed my recommendation would have a 100% success rate, guaranteed. I certainly could not do any worse than the average two hatter 12 Step therapist, right?

Comments

live_free_or_die's picture

live_free_or_die

Sun, 08/26/2012 - 19:20

Be sure to require cash payment (debit card) before your "patient" sits down in your office.

Also, I would recommend that your office be in Florida (not a corporation), Texas (not a corporation), Washington (not a corporation), South Dakota (not a corporation), Alaska (not a corporation), Nevada or Wyoming.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/State_income_tax

Alcoholics Anonymous: MyNotGodHasItCovered®
http://www.expaa.org/
http://bereanresearch.com/
http://badrecovery.blogspot.com/
NOT AA:
Rational Recovery, SOS, HAMS
http://alcoholabusesolutions.com/

alkieanon's picture

alkieanon

Sun, 08/26/2012 - 21:43

You can do it! Why not online?

Free

Sun, 08/26/2012 - 22:00

Bit more complicated than that. First you need a few related letters after your name from a reputable university. A web page outlining your many achievements in the field is also necessary. It's extremely important to build TRUST. This takes months of intensive weekly therapy contact. Only after the patient has made sufficient progress, and in fact no longer requires your services, should you raise the possibility of exploring 12 step. Daily phone contact will, of course, be necessary - free of charge. By this point the patient will be sufficiently brainwashed and the true believer therapist is one step closer to earning their spot in nirvana. But it doesn't end there ...
Sorry, went off on a tangent of how you'd craftily do it if you were a true believer and working on an atheist. You don't plan on being a 2 hatter!