About about month ago I found the orange-papers. Thank goodness. I picked up my 3 year medallion last week and spoke at a meeting on Wednesday and found that I could no longer continue a lie. I came into AA literally sobbing and defeated. Had been on antabuse, paxil, xynax, and knew I needed to stop drinking. AA worked initially. I found a sponsor who brought me through the steps forced me to pray to a Christian God I didn't believe in and was completely miserable. I went on, found a new sponsor who I still believe a good man...but have found problems in the doctrine and cult nature of AA from the get go. I finally feel like I am not alone. That there are others like me that keep sober and are either Atheist or Agnostic. That AA is not the only way and that if I don't make three meetings a week that I wont die an alcoholic death in a gutter somewhere. This is the first time I have felt hope since my initial days in the program of AA. I can not stand hearing the same drunk logs over and over, being told to pray to my higher power to solve all my problems. Oh yeah, and I was 13th stepped as well, but by an older woman who had "good sobriety," I later found out that her four previous boy toys had all gone back "out." I'm thankful to still have my sobriety in tact and look forward to contributing to the many interesting discussions I have read on this bog.