Anyone Ever Think About Suicide?

Ironic's picture
Submitted by Ironic on Tue, 05/08/2012 - 09:07

Do any of you really just hate life either way? My life isn't manageable when I'm high, and no matter how long I kick dope for, it doesn't get better. High was just always something I did instead of suicide.

Anyone ever think about the most painless way to go? I'd think it would be an overdose. It would cost a hell of a lot of money for me to overdose on anything, that's for sure. Besides, if I was high I wouldnt want to kill myself until it was gone.

I graduated, and I feel even worse.

I've got an appointment at 1:30 for a hepatitis screening. I have a little money but no proof of income. I hope they'll see me. My girlfriend has lupus, so if I have hep..well, it would have to end, huh?

Comments

humanspirit

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:12

Do you think that the god that Clara prays to on our behalf will do good things for us? Or do you think she has enough influence with the Almighty that we will all rot in hell?

gigi

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:20

Clara's God will beat us all about the head with a copy of Living Sober until we come to our senses.

"If I forget who I am, I am myself. If I remember who I am, I am you."

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:56

Clara's God loves you, too. I don't think He beats us at all. I think we go to Him when we are beaten.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

humanspirit

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 15:20

. . . is a stepper who happens to conform with her own particlar world-view? Or is he/she/it a muslim, for example, who endorses the Koran? Or a catholic who believes in papal infallibility and objects to contraception? (Etc.)

I wonder how Clara knows that the god of her understanding loves us? Has s/he told her this personally? More likely, the god of her particular understanding (especially if s/he is a stepper) couldn't give a flying fuck about us and would abandon all to jails, institutions, and death if they don't follow the 12 step path.

(I love her childish use of the capital letter in "He", "His", "Him", btw. Does the god of Clara's understanding also object to the normal rules of English punctuation?)

becket's picture

becket

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 16:38

The upper case usage when referring to God is commonplace in literature. It is not a childish practice. It is a symbol of honoring a superior being.

If you don't believe, that's fine, that's great. But to tear someone down who does believe, and does something as simple as using an upper case "H" when referring to him/her/it/Him/Her/It is utterly despicable. You're no better than a school yard bully, humanspirit. In fact, human spirit my ass. Mussolini had a closer kinship with his fellow travelers on this planet than anything you exhibit.

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

patti

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 17:28

Lmao!

patti

becket's picture

becket

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 17:48

That's funny, patti? Bigotry: obstinate or intolerant devotion to one's own opinions and prejudices, especially exhibition of intolerance or animosity toward members of a group. Is that really funny? You laugh your ass off at people who don't suck up to you and your beliefs?

My, my. I can only hope you have to stare that shit down one day and rethink your smug position.

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

causeandeffect's picture

causeandeffect

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 17:34

Hyperbole much?

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becket's picture

becket

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 17:48

What, the Mussolini bit? How? In its small and uninteresting way it is just as potent and just as toxic.

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

humanspirit

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 17:41

I regard any criticism from you as an an indication that I am indeed on the right path. I'll know I'm getting it seriously wrong when you start agreeing with me.

It's good to know you have such a high opinion of Mussolini, btw. Admiration for fascist leaders is quite traditional amongst those of the 12 step persuasion.

becket's picture

becket

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 17:51

Deliberately misconstruing my post does not further your lame, uninvolved "cause". Keep doing what you're doing. I don't have to worry about how it will all come down on you one day. Might be in a week, might be in 40 years, but it's coming. Start practicing your squealing and your begging and your "I didn't mean it that way!!"s. You'll need to be pretty convincing.

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

Persephone In Exile's picture

Persephone In Exile

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 17:54

Becket's on fire, eh? Now she's going onto that old track again, the "someday you'll pay for your sins" business. I love it when this part gets started. Is C&E going to get a punishment devised for her by you now, Becket?

http://badrecovery.blogspot.com/

btnben's picture

btnben

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 18:12

Clara said something earlier about some of us being as bad as becket...lol. I think Clara's invented the unit for bitchiness - the becket...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

humanspirit

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 18:20

I think you're a scientist, ben, and in that case you would agree that there would have to be some kind of scale. Would one 'becket' equate to the unit of absolute bitchiness, in which case, say, 0.5 of a becket would be just mildly bitchy? Or would ten or 100 beckets be the upper point of reference?

becket's picture

becket

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 18:22

"Ben" a scientist? Fuck. You're joking, right?

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

becket's picture

becket

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 18:14

As I said (duh), I don't have to do anything, I never did have to do anything. I don't design anyone's karma but my own. I'm willing to take whatever comes my way.

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

humanspirit

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 17:58

Do you think I'm going to have some kind of divine retribution piled on my head in the future for pointing out that you are an asshole? Do you believe there will be a day of judgment, and that those who disagree with you about AA will be consigned to the outer darkness where there is wailing and gnashing of teeth?

The god of your understanding is about as convincing as Clara's.

becket's picture

becket

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 18:18

I believe no such thing. You dig your own grave. It's none of my doing. Your opinion that I am an "asshole" simply stems from the fact that my views are diametrically opposed to yours and you just can't take it.

You know nothing about the god of my understanding; therefore, your evaluation of such an entity's or power's force is immaterial to the discussion.

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

humanspirit

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 18:37

Please believe me becket, I can take it very well. And I think your incoherent splutterings are hilarious.

causeandeffect's picture

causeandeffect

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 18:25

"my views are diametrically opposed to yours and you just can't take it."

Isn't that why you're obsessively here, becket? You just can't take someone having a different POV than you.

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"The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it." ~ Neil deGrasse Tyson

patti

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 15:52

Gi gi you are hysterical

patti

btnben's picture

btnben

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:13

You should be returned to sanity in #2...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Unhinged

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:30

btnben,

In all seriousness mate, how does it work when doing the steps? Once you've hit 12, what's next? Start all over?

Is the spiritual awakening not supposed to make you immune to the temptation of alcohol or something? So, in essence 'cured'?

btnben's picture

btnben

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:35

You do them over and over and over and over and...(my god - roll on death)...and over, for ever and ever.

It's not like snakes and ladders - you go back to the beginning! Snakes and ladders make more sense...lol

The spiritual awakening is one of the big lies in AA. Do you know the story of the King's New Clothes? It's just like that. Everyone has a spiritual awakening because they don't want to be left out.

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 15:49

Rather like the feeding frenzy or the gang bang Beckett refers to? 10, 11 and 12 just became an easy part of life.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

humanspirit

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 15:40

As Clara's husband has forbidden her to read my comments and she won't be replying to me personally, can someone else hazard a guess as to what this comment is supposed to mean?

becket's picture

becket

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 17:53

btnben, you missed yet another in a series of great opportunities to mock the steps: you should have told your playmate that after Step 12 comes Step 13. Jesus, do I have to write from both sides? Sharpen up, dude.

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

gigi

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:35

once you're at 12, you start the whole shebang anew by bringing others through the steps. Working with others is supposed to keep you immune. You have to constantly work the steps by working with newcomers. That's why Clara is here. 12 step.

You're never cured. You just get a daily reprieve. It's endless.

"If I forget who I am, I am myself. If I remember who I am, I am you."

Persephone In Exile's picture

Persephone In Exile

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:44

Gigi, that seems to be the case. Step 12. Doorknob save us all!

http://badrecovery.blogspot.com/

avogadno's picture

avogadno

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 17:07

Then what is the significance of the spiritual experience? The awakening as it's written now. Your compulsion is supposedly lifted at the time. Then what, does it come back the next day and the day after that? I understand practicing principles. Love thy neighbor. Be patient. Does that keep someone from the need of another awakening?

Pro Empowerment!
Truth about AA: http://orange-papers.org/menu1.html
Expose AA: http://www.expaa.org/

btnben's picture

btnben

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 17:21

In step 12 it's pretty definite "Having had a spiritual awakening....." - you will have an awakening - no choice in the matter.

The steps didn't exist before 1938 when the BB was written, so how was Bill W so sure that everyone would have a spiritual awakening? No-one had yet worked the steps. Was he guessing? Or did Boniface tip him the wink?

Also, it's a pretty crap God who can go round handing out these spiritual awakenings, but only get you off the booze hook for 24 hours at a time. My God would be shed loads better than that.

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

avogadno's picture

avogadno

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 18:01

Ben, that's a good example of the logic that they get po'd over. Even if your sincerely questioning it, because they don't have an answer they will get angry with you.

Btw, I remember F. Buchman preaching that we start over every day.

Pro Empowerment!
Truth about AA: http://orange-papers.org/menu1.html
Expose AA: http://www.expaa.org/

Persephone In Exile's picture

Persephone In Exile

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:41

Oh jeeebus. You think we're all just "spiritually sick", eh? Please keep me out of that, if you would. I have no interest in conversion.

http://badrecovery.blogspot.com/

avogadno's picture

avogadno

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:56

"Others are spiritually sick"? Like who for example?

About the "Clancy Manual" comment, you should ask your hubby to un-block posters so that you can understand the discussion. I mean, if that will help.

Pro Empowerment!
Truth about AA: http://orange-papers.org/menu1.html
Expose AA: http://www.expaa.org/

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 15:10

Avo, it isn't hard to figure that someone is playing a game. I don't need to know what it is. But, hey, just don't ever accuse me of making a thread about me. LOL! I have all of you to do that for me. Fortunately, this too shall pass.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

avogadno's picture

avogadno

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 17:12

If you do it and I feel like mentioning it I will.

The thread had been about you for pages already, and I was commenting on another person's mention of you. Should have I gotten your permission to comment first? Do you not mention others in your posts?

Yes, it passes. Just like the compulsion to drink alcohol, once you spend enough time abstaining. No spiritual experience needed.

Pro Empowerment!
Truth about AA: http://orange-papers.org/menu1.html
Expose AA: http://www.expaa.org/

causeandeffect's picture

causeandeffect

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:21

Yeah ben, She's screaming and screeching again. It happens all the time. Sad, sad, sad.

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"The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it." ~ Neil deGrasse Tyson

Brett

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:27

In the soup.... again

Brett

btnben's picture

btnben

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:29

Usually the soup's in Clara - and the sherry...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

patti

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 15:37

Lol this soup thing is too funny

patti

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 15:39

It is funny. Stupid, but entertaining.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

humanspirit

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:46

For at least four totally unrelated and irrelevant remarks.

It's going to be a problem knowing how to score this, though.

btnben's picture

btnben

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:25

I'm sure this can be modified to suit the current purpose.

http://www.orange-papers.org/forum/comment/17670#comment-17670

First to type "Billshit" gets to cross off the relevant square...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

causeandeffect's picture

causeandeffect

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:32

I think we should call it bullshit bingo.

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"The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it." ~ Neil deGrasse Tyson

Persephone In Exile's picture

Persephone In Exile

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:34

Well Clara, glad to see you "took what you wanted" from the French and left the rest! Especially since you call them "frogs". Nice.

http://badrecovery.blogspot.com/

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 15:32

They themselves referred to themselves as "frogs", PIE. We had a nice bunch of french people at the club for two months.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

patti

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 06:05

ha ha, LOL

patti

becket's picture

becket

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 14:35

Not arguing either way - just presenting what the Agri Dept. says, that's all.

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

btnben's picture

btnben

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 13:57

LOL

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

causeandeffect's picture

causeandeffect

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 14:06

Ben, what does QED stand for?

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