Anyone Ever Think About Suicide?

Ironic's picture
Submitted by Ironic on Tue, 05/08/2012 - 09:07

Do any of you really just hate life either way? My life isn't manageable when I'm high, and no matter how long I kick dope for, it doesn't get better. High was just always something I did instead of suicide.

Anyone ever think about the most painless way to go? I'd think it would be an overdose. It would cost a hell of a lot of money for me to overdose on anything, that's for sure. Besides, if I was high I wouldnt want to kill myself until it was gone.

I graduated, and I feel even worse.

I've got an appointment at 1:30 for a hepatitis screening. I have a little money but no proof of income. I hope they'll see me. My girlfriend has lupus, so if I have hep..well, it would have to end, huh?

Comments

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 11:56

Clara does not burn off the booze. She orders a cup of it to dump in her food when it does not normally come with it at the restraunt she is at. This might seem petty, but the real question is why does she insist that she is abstinent from alcohol when she demonstrably is not? Why won't she simply conceed, as any normal person in her place would, that she consumes a small amount of alcohol in moderation? Why is it so important to her to cling to the delusion that she is abstinent? That's the main reason I keep beating this horse.

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

Clara's picture

Clara

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 12:37

No, you beat it because you want someone to bend to your will. People in your AA meeting might see it your way. Ours didn't. I've been in any number of groups from out club where people ate veal marsala, french onion soup, coq au vin, desserts and the like, and only one time did anyone ever have an issue with it. All of this over a teaspoon of seasoned sherry.

But thank you for conceding that you did derail the thread onto soup.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 14:02

Who cares what AA groups approve of? I'm not talking about a value judgement and I'm not questioning you sobriety. I'm simply stating the empirical truth that you consume small amounts of booze in moderation, which of course is different than abstinence. That's not a judgment; that's a fact. You are fighting tooth and nail to resist the logical conclusion here, which I find interesting. Why do you do that?

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

causeandeffect's picture

causeandeffect

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 13:37

Penny, most likely because she doesn't want to humiliate herself by picking up a new white chip every time she orders food with alcohol in it. You are making a correct assessment here, but clara is practicing AA-style rigorous honesty(tm). LOL! Personally, I love to eat a wide variety of delicious ethnic food, such as Middle Eastern, Greek, Thai, Mexican, Japanese, Filipino, etc. I don't have to give up my enjoyment of food in order to avoid alcohol. That's not to say I wouldn't eat something that was cooked with alcohol or that has alcohol in it. I certainly have. But I reject AA's purity fetish, so it doesn't matter to me at all what anybody thinks of my sobriety.

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Clara's picture

Clara

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 13:46

No, Cause, and no one would ask me to. It doesn't constitute a slip. I thought I answered this for you the last time you brought it up. I'm glad you like all those cuisines, but they do differ from traditional cream of crab soup! Godly!

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Clara's picture

Clara

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 13:48

Because, Penny, I just see it differently than you do. And that is okay. I am sure that I consume small bits of alcohol when I ingest other condiments, too, but I don't count that, either. I went to Gordon Biersch and had a salad that had lager in the dressing. That doesn't count to me. The only person it matters to is you.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 14:15

The fact that you consume some alcohol in foods does not matter to me. What matters to me is that you go to extreme lengths to deny undeniable truths. It's indicative of the whole Stepper mindset. Basically you take well established meanings and concepts, distort them beyond all comprehension, and then use those mutations in everyday conversation as if other people are supposed to be able to figure it out. Only in Stepperville does that make sense. It certainly won't fly here. It is also telling how you are so married to the idea of abstinence that you can't understand very simple logic, probably because you don't like the results. Typical Stepper trait -- if you don't like conclusions, you just change the meaning of the words in the premises. This is about much more than soup, Clara.

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

btnben's picture

btnben

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 14:27

Soup is just for starters...lol

Sorry Penny - couldn't resist it.

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

Clara

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 15:03

Very cute, Bennieboy!

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

avogadno's picture

avogadno

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 05:31

Soup = using without the havoc

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Expose AA: http://www.expaa.org/

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 06:02

The only havoc about soup is around here, not in AA. I wonder what they tell you in France, home of some of the finest cuisine in the world.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

dandammit's picture

dandammit

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 07:48

That the booze is to kill the germs?

Persephone In Exile's picture

Persephone In Exile

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 10:47

Well, in France they'd also probably tell you that 6 beers isn't excessive and that looking to religion to cure your woes is painfully archaic, while offering you another glass of wine. I have yet to meet anyone from France who doesn't think American obsessions with religion are completely weird, not to mention distasteful.

http://badrecovery.blogspot.com/

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 12:47

Who cares what they think about religion? I've certainly met a religious frog in my life. And, PIE, it matters not if they think 6 glasses of whatever is harmful. How about offering you a pill? The only important part of that is what I believe about it for myself.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

humanspirit

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:07

(Don't worry that she'll be offended, All - her husband has allegedly forbidden her from seeing my posts, apparently because I pointed out that her daddy sounded pompous.)

The challenge is: One point for each time you spot a Clara comment beginning with the words "who cares?". It is her way of deflecting any point that she can't answer.

Her comment above makes no sense whatsoever, btw. I think she's getting desperate.

(And before you say anything, becket - don't bother.)

avogadno's picture

avogadno

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:12

"Who cares?".... While she searches her Clancy Manual.

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Expose AA: http://www.expaa.org/

humanspirit

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:16

I also think French people care quite a lot about being called "frogs" (a racist term) whether they are religious or not.

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:27

Oh my. Avo, you woman of merit, you!

It amazes me that anyone would suggest that I make blogs about me. Such a happy recovered woman.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

btnben's picture

btnben

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:32

Starting to backfire a bit now Clara, isn't it?...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:38

Of course, it isn't. I didn't understand the Clancy Manual bit. I would imagine this man has a better life than most of these people on this board.

But... but... omg, making it about ME! I am sure no one sees the hypocrisy in this.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

avogadno's picture

avogadno

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:13

"She" and "Clancy". It's a small world after all.

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Expose AA: http://www.expaa.org/

avogadno's picture

avogadno

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:26

Please tell me about Clancy's life. How is it "better" and how is that measured?

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humanspirit

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:37

How about points for Clara responses that do not relate in any way to what the person responded to has said? The one above being a case in point. Did Avo suggest that Clara was making blogs about herself, other than in Clara's egocentric mind? Did this really merit the sarcastic ad hom comment about Avo being a 'happy recovered woman'?

Brett

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:16

how about points for "not in my group" "I", how about 10 points for spotting a lie before it becomes obvious. What will we call this game, how about a contest to pick a name for the game?
oh I could get into this.

Brett

humanspirit

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:23

for anyone who spots an occasion on which Clara responds in any serious or intelligent way to any kind of serious issue?

causeandeffect's picture

causeandeffect

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:35

How about points for every time she says "AA knows it's not the only way to stop drinking. Any AA will tell you that."

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Brett

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:24

everyone one starts off with a 6 pak, ya lose 1 beer everytime you catch her, first one to finish ( binge) the 6 pak wins.
6 bloody beer binge, bloody pretending bludger, get a real job.

Brett

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:31

How about everyone put needles up their arms and pills down their throats? No fun if the DOC isn't what gets you off.

What is this about? I frankly don't understand how anyone can claim I derail threads.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

btnben's picture

btnben

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:38

Phone your sponsor Clara...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:42

Why should I, Ben? I mean, 6 beers is nothing to get anyone in trouble, is it? Why shouldn't the rest of the group have some fun with their DOCs? I mean, PIE was never really addicted to anything. Neither was Avo. They just nearly lost their families because of some made up thing. I'm surely not an alcoholic despite my DUIs and other problems because your situation was so much worse.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Persephone In Exile's picture

Persephone In Exile

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:38

Clara, WTH are you talking about now? We weren't addicted to anything now? That's great! Be sure to update my medical files for me now, while you're at it, OK?

http://badrecovery.blogspot.com/

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 15:07

Since mine wasn't medical diagnosis, it isn't in my files. But Ben, Brett, Gigi et al feel they can diagnose me just fine. Please don't be offended. It seems like normal behavior around here.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

btnben's picture

btnben

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:46

Happens to all steppers eventually...lol. It's a principle...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 13:53

I don't think I ever knew the plot, but I know the Clancy Manual has to be about me. Who else would be accused of having one, eh?

I have often wonered, Ben, why you and the others really think they are much different than Beckett...

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Unhinged

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:04

What step are you on?

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:07

Been through the steps, Unhinged. Now I am practicing feeling that others are spiritually sick and should be looked upon as such, and are worthy of prayer.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

gigi

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:10

Yuck.

"If I forget who I am, I am myself. If I remember who I am, I am you."

Unhinged

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:12

Thank you for answering my question.

Please tell me, once you have been through the steps, do you go back to step step 4 again and start all over? How does it work? Please tell me.

How was your spiritual awakening? Was it a nice experience?

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:24

Why are you so interested in my personal journey, Hinge?

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Unhinged

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:47

I am interested in your personal journey because I have zero experience of AA and I would like to learn more about it. Since I could be classed as an alcoholic (I know it's debatable) you have a duty from step 12 to carry the message to alcoholics. So carry the message. I'm trying to learn more. You are a stepper so who better to ask?

How was your spiritual awakening by the way? Can you explain it to me please?

Thank you.

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:54

Speak to Ben, Unhinged or even Brett. They are better at determining if you are an alcoholic that you possibly can be for yourself. Remember too, Hinged, I can surely carry the message to alcoholics and I often do, but I don't have to try with someone that is making fun of me.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Unhinged

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:58

I am not trying to determine if I am an alcoholic or not. That's another debate.

I am not making fun of you, you're doing a good job of that yourself.

I was trying to be serious.

I just wanted to know what a spiritual awakening was like. Pray tell.

avogadno's picture

avogadno

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:59

Clara, in all honesty I am interested in your spiritual experience. I wouldn't hold it against you try to make fun of you. Sincerely.

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Truth about AA: http://orange-papers.org/menu1.html
Expose AA: http://www.expaa.org/

Clara's picture

Clara

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 15:33

How about I assure it gets to everyone by sending it to you in a PM? After all, posts get lost due to this interesting formaat.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Unhinged

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 15:40

Clara,

Go on Clara. Be a Devil. Tell me what's it like to have a spiritual experience.

avogadno's picture

avogadno

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 16:07

I take that as a no, lol.

It doesn't have to be a pm, you can share it here. If you don't want to, np. I understand that it's likely too personal or you don't want to open yourself up to criticism. I just wanted you to know that it interests me and I wouldn't make a joke or game out of it. I can't say what others might do. I don't think I ever had an AA spiritual experience. One time I thought that I did, but I realized a little later that I was mistaken. It was like another blogger posted, I wanted to have one and when something happened I decided that "this" was it.

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Expose AA: http://www.expaa.org/

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 16:10

Avo, the best you could have hoped for is some lame canned answer. A SKILLED troll would at least make up something interesting.

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

causeandeffect's picture

causeandeffect

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 16:29

You mean like telling Norman Vincent Peale that you had a white light experience "on a hilltop" when you were actually in a hospital tripping your balls off?

"One night I went up on a windy hill and looked at the stars and cried out to God. I begged Him to let the great healing wind of His Spirit blow through me and make me clean once more. And He heard my cry. I never touched alcohol again.”

http://www.alladdictsanonymous.org/articles_peale.htm

What a liar he was, eh?

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becket's picture

becket

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 16:39

Are you asking? Or are you certain?

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

causeandeffect's picture

causeandeffect

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 17:17

Of course I'm certain. Have you ever read the big book? He was in the hospital when he had his white light experience. But he told NVP a completely different story. He never even cared much about keeping up with the details of his lies.

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