Steppers, answer me this...

Clammy Clara

My views on spirituality are centered around Protestant Christianity. Recognizing Higher Powers is not in itself problematic; it's the idea that any Higher Power can be one's God that is contrary to what I understand about the scriptures. However, I do not feel that I cannot work, learn or interact with people of other beliefs because, in many ways, those beliefs aren't directly relevant to our responsibilities with and to others and empathy in general. The ability to learn about and freely practice varying beliefs is edifying and arguably renders purer adherence than subversive, involuntary indoctrination.

I was paying twenty dollars an hour for outpatient group treatment plus the costs of random drug screens. Learning about how alcohol affects the body was informative and hearing some rather disturbing stories was eye opening and provided a chance to develop more understanding and empathy for others and their unique experiences. I was required to attend two support group meetings weekly in addition to the two, two hour treatment group sessions. As I studied the homework, I came to a chapter on religion and spirituality. The point of this section was to drive home the idea that religion and spirituality are not necessarily the same thing. We weren't given more than two lines to express our thoughts on spirituality with other questions simply skimming over any deeper thoughts on the subject. The entire exercise was to endorse AA and its proclaimed spiritual, rather than religious nature.

The next chapter was "Understanding Powerlessness". The story goes that you're looking to buy a car and see one that looks good. The dealer tells you it runs good but the brakes sometimes just don't work. So, as an alcoholic, driving the car is analogous to drinking and the brakes not braking is analogous to the physiological response in which one succumbs to powerlessness because of their disease. The material explained that loosing control, even one time, can lead to irreversible trauma and tragedy with some seriously sobering media to show the visceral parts of the human condition. The next sentence said...

"If you fail to do something, even one time out of a hundred, you are powerless over it."

I can agree that terrible consequences can come about with just one single poor choice but the above statement taken verbatim from my required recovery group is ambiguous and generally irrational.

While reporting my work in group, I said that I was not comfortable with the aforementioned statement.

I asked "If I fail to get the correct answer on one question out of a hundred on a math test or fail to make it to group one out of a hundred times, I'm powerless over those things?" ...he chuckled and said "Well, you think you know everything" when the group laughed a little and then he changed the subject and called on someone else.

He could have suggested to talk about it after group or given some resource material to study up on rather than infer to the group that I'm merely pretentious and to be dismissed or downplayed. After group, I told him that I really wasn't comfortable attending AA and he did say that I could attend SMART. One thing is that the closest SMART group is very inconvenient for me to travel to given my current circumstances and after understanding parts of Rational Recovery, the need to bond in group with others that are recovering is not absolutely required to get healthy. I felt coerced and that they were some bit disingenuous as I was paying partly to study and practice 12 step ideology