Alcoholics Anonymous Step 4 Sexual Inventory Defined - "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

I think examining every aspect of dysfunctional behaviors is essential in the recovery process. If one's manipulative or clingy or vengeful or opportunistic acts are not revealed they will continue to plague the person attempting to know him- or herself and they will cripple any attempt at living honestly.

These examinations might be better tackled in the office of a certified, licensed mental health professional, but many if not most people who attend AA are without medical insurance that would cover such visits. It is crucial that the sponsorship connection be a trusted one. I would never recommend that anyone take these steps with someone they had not taken the time to get to know and trust. There is no real hurry about taking a personal inventory, and many folks go through AA without ever addressing the steps at all. It's a personal decision based on personal circumstances.

I took every step; steps 4 and 5 were taken with a sponsor whom I had known since we were 14 years old, and she had five more years of sobriety than I at the time. I did not attempt to take these steps until I was 2 years into the program. But I was also seeing a psychiatrist and a PhD psychologist, and the details of the very difficult episodes of repeated sexual assault in childhood, the domestic violence and the rape unfolded a bit after I had taken my 4th/5th. Sometimes these memories are not readily available to the person who is doing the inventory. In fact, I had to be reminded of much of the drama by a man whose brother was the main perpetrator when I was a kid and he was 16 or 17. I was grateful to get the memory jog because it's all crystal clear now. I was able to address these issues in therapy once I remembered them. It wasn't necessary to take another 5th step.

I did not feel exposed because I trusted the confidentiality of the process. Choosing a sponsor should not be done in haste for anyone who is searching. And since none of you is searching I think I'll close for now. Hope that answers your questions.

And the sexual INVENTORY is a very good and methodical process to apply to ourselves and our current and former relationships.

Take it a few steps deeper, and we can get into the family dysfunction and the social pathology, as my good friend John Bradshaw says, "We live in a society that has social rules, that say it's OK to say the word KILL but not the word FUCK."

In fact doing INVENTORY is a brilliant process - opens up so many doors and opportunities for improvement......

Study the subject, Analise the issues, Seek the Solutions, Apply the results.

Clara,
While i wish this were true, it was not my experience. I did the steps 3 times and was required to share sexual inventory at each point.
I have reviewed the Big Book to see if there is anything that supports your claim that "you are not required to share a sexual inventory with anyone. The point of it is to reflect on the behavior and to learn from it."
I was unable to find anything. Steps 5 does not say "Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs, unless they involved sex".
I think in general, the point of each part of the inventory is to reflect and learn. But doing so does not mean that Step 5 is skipped.

I think it is a huge generalisation to say "in AA, you are not required to share a sexual inventory with anyone" - it sounds a bit too much like you are claiming to reprsent the views/practices of AA. I doubt you have knowledge of AA practices/teaching the world over.

you aren't required to share a sex inventory or any other inventry with anyone. Step 5 says the exact nature of our wrongs ( the manifestation of self, in it's thousand different forms) not exactly what you did wrong. Therefore you are obliged to share nothing of your actual story, I mighta bin slooshing with the koolaid, but I wasn't stupid enough to write anything or tell secrets that could come back & bite me.
PLS CLARA: don't lets do this again, agreeing with you puts the foulest taste in my throat.

I'm glad you to hear you didn't do this sexual inventory thing and share it with anyone, Avogadno! Maintaining your privacy was smart! And I'm glad to hear you got out of their "program" because that's what it appears to be.... "programming." You're lucky to have gotten out! Wishing you all the best!

Yeah. She felt defeated. She thought she was never good enough, could never be good enough. She struggled. They made her feel more and more unworthy and defeated. It was very sad. She gave up. This is the main reason I found this site.

That's a jump, AntiDenial. What information do you have, other than justme's second-hand reference to the event, with no real accounting? Just because someone went to AA and eventually commits suicide does not directly and infallibly point the finger at AA as the culprit. In fact, my guess is that the person who committed suicide chose a method and proceeded. AA did not wield the weapon, as it is inanimate.

There's absolutely no purpose in you putting down my friend who committed suicide. She struggled. She had a hard time. We were friends LONG before facebook or the internet ever existed.

Please don't again make light of my grief nor my friendship with her. You don't know me and you didn't know her.

She didn't choose to to be defeated. She DID chose to commit suicide.

Why are you lashing out at me? I don't SOLELY blame AA. It was a big part of the picture, though. But still, she was my friend and she couldn't handle life any more. She couldn't meet their demands.

Some people suffer more than others. She did the best she could but it was all too painful so she left.

That's it.

Again, please don't make light of it. It's disrespectful and cruel. She's not even here to defend herself.

To call her a LOSER is way hurtful and mean. Do you intend to be a mean person?

I have a friend who lost her life. By her own hand, yes. She chose to LEAVE this planet. It's not funny and she's NOT a loser and never was one.

Please don't reply to my posts again unless you can be supportive and caring.

I don't deal with ridicule and insults well. I don't need it and neither does my friend.

Thank you for being polite and respectful.

PS:
No... she couldn't choose to go elsewhere. She was forced to participate in "the program". She was addicted to pain killers due to repeated surgeries on her leg. She had no choice regarding which program to participate in. She also had no choice regarding her leg surgeries.

Be kind to people. Life is short even when you don't commit suicide. Believe it. It goes by VERY quick. Kindness is important.

Clara,

Yes it is exactly what I'm intending. AA had a huge part in breaking my friend down, making her feel worthless, and making her feel like a failure who would always be "sick", never cured, and never valuable. I don't SOLELY blame AA, but I see the role it played in degrading her as a human being which helped lead her to suicide.