Anyone Ever Think About Suicide?

Do any of you really just hate life either way? My life isn't manageable when I'm high, and no matter how long I kick dope for, it doesn't get better. High was just always something I did instead of suicide. Anyone ever think about the most painless way to go? I'd think it would be an overdose. It would cost a hell of a lot of money for me to overdose on anything, that's for sure. Besides, if I was high I wouldnt want to kill myself until it was gone. I graduated, and I feel even worse. I've got an appointment at 1:30 for a hepatitis screening. I have a little money but no proof of income. I hope they'll see me. My girlfriend has lupus, so if I have hep..well, it would have to end, huh?

Comments

becket's picture

Please point me to the post wherein I allegedly said you had just got done "sucking [another] poster's cock". I have written non-incendiary responses to several of your posts which were met with contempt as well. Look, there is no end to this shit unless all parties quit. All parties are not going to quit. So there will never be an end to it. So, for starters: soup. Just like resident genius btnben suggests.
“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” ― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian
becket's picture

gigi: what is your definition of "enabling"? causeandeffect: what is your definition of "enabling"?
“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” ― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian
becket's picture

I'm sorry, Persephone, I did not see your definition of "enabling". Care to share? 'Twould be nice to have an OPF glossary so everyone's on the same page.
“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” ― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian
becket's picture

Deliberate obfuscation never helps to clear a path to understanding.
“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” ― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian
becket's picture

Fair enough. Straight shooting. Thank you.
“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” ― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian
Trisha K.'s picture

You really are an idiot. I really wish you would turn away from your computer, when these brainless responses come to you.
“The more I traveled the more I realized that fear makes strangers of people who should be friends.” Shirley MacLaine

Look both words up in the dictionary and count the words in between the entry "empathy" and "enable". The number of words x10 would likely equal the approximate magnitude differing those two approaches in the psychiatric world. Giving a suicidal person a loaded gun can be considered enabling. Empathy could be symbolized with offering a hug.

“That's a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world.” ― Sorachi Hideaki

Pro Empowerment!

Trisha K.'s picture

You know exactly what Clara is talking about. You yourself flirted with severe self destruction for years. Now you are promoting it, as free living?
“The more I traveled the more I realized that fear makes strangers of people who should be friends.” Shirley MacLaine
JR Harris's picture

Better hurry up and finish your burgers and get along now, you're giving McDonalds a bad name. Besides that, their wifi is real easy to identify (they do that for a reason).

~You can not moderate the truth. Just don't lie, steal or make stuff up out of thin air and expect to get away with it without it being pointed out to you. It's really very simple.~

empowering, providing someone with the means to do something, allowing
"If I forget who I am, I am myself. If I remember who I am, I am you."
causeandeffect's picture

I don't have a singular definition of recovery because there are many things one can recover from and many ways to do so. To me, recovery from alcoholism is to cease drinking in a harmful way. That can be moderation for many people, and it's been proven that many can do so. Recovery can also be abstinence for others. But there are many other forms of recovery, such as recovering from a traumatic experience. Personally, I choose to not drink and that's the way I like it. Someday, I may choose to change my mind and try moderation. If I did, I certainly would never blame a "strange mental blank spot" or a disease. I think it's a possibility because I was a moderate drinker most of my life, and in fact, probably drank less than most people.
"The ideal tyranny is that which is ignorantly self-administered by its victims. The most perfect slaves are, therefore, those which blissfully and unawaredly enslave themselves." ~Dresden James

I checked in with Ironic through text. She's OK. Better but not great, and Legally enjoying herself. She plans on responding when she has access to a computer. Thanks to all for the kind words.

“That's a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world.” ― Sorachi Hideaki

Pro Empowerment!

Actually I meant what if you meaning you Clara. How many sherry's with your meal would be too many? Or how many meals that included Sherry would be to many? I don't eat crab at all and oddly, I wouldn't consume the sherry if I did. Strict orders. No alcohol whatsoever.

“That's a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world.” ― Sorachi Hideaki

Pro Empowerment!

Becket, I don't even have a definition for it. That's pretty much how bizarre I find the concept. Completely foreign to me. How about you? What's your take on it? Edit: I found this non-interesting little bit via google about enabling, it's on about.com and written completely from the AA/Alanon perspective, so it's not even very helpful: http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info2/a/aa052197.htm

I've been perfectly nice to you, which is even more empathetic than you realize, considering that I'm not entirely convinced you're not someone else who used to post here.
Ironic's picture

I did not come out here to smoke med grade. That is happily incidental. Thanks for offering to send me some, but you don't live in an MMJ state and I mean, sure you say it is medical but..I can buy stuff that someone says is medical at home. I've never seen anything like this shit, it is great. Fortunately for me I am happy with the weed/hash/edibles and happily sip my coke at ladies night. I came out here to visit my oldest friend (18 years). She just graduated from CU. I may get to see snow tomorrow..it would only be the second time ever, so that is pretty neat. My iPhone internet isnt working right now (tethered jailbreak) issues which is why I haven't been on much. I gotta catch up.

If enabling is born out of a sense of duty and love, then what is the xA opposite of it doing? They say that "enabling" doesn't actually help the addict or alcoholic. What exactly does pissing them off by piling blame on them do? Or any of the other standard treatment oriented approaches? It does absolutely nothing in most cases but frustrate and annoy the person involved. I don't know, I never read much about enabling, and wasn't talked to much about it.

Hey Ironic! I hope you're having a good vacation, no matter what you're there for! Boulder's a great town. Take it easy;)
Clara's picture

Ah, but New Mexico IS a mmj state and that is where I got it. I live 9 miles into the state of Texas, and my sister lives in as Cruces. She says it is nothing like what they used to smoke in the "old days." Okay, perhaps not THAT long ago, but I thought it was interesting to read about the farming efforts that go into it. I hope you have a great time, Ironic. Boulder rocks. My nephew's band plays there from time to time.
Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.
Ironic's picture

What crisis has been averted? I feel this way all the time.
Clara's picture

Ironic, you have stumped me. So much more going for you than I ever did at your age... I wish it were different. I hope you take that with the sincerity intended...
Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.
becket's picture

Thank you.
“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” ― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian
becket's picture

Was it just impossible to comply with my request, causeandeffect? Maybe I really didn't say the things you're accusing me of having said - is that possible? Why does my life have to make sense to you? Yes, I see that it doesn't, but it should not have to, should it?
“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” ― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian
becket's picture

I disrupt when I see shit posing as fact. Yes. Is that a personal problem for you? If this is "generally ignoring" someone I'm quite taken aback. Why don't you start a revolution and step away from the corpse and the feeding frenzy?
“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” ― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian
becket's picture

Who are you writing to, Persephone?
“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” ― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

Ironic, glad you are having a good time & enjoying yourself. Just wanted to let you know been thinking of you & hoping & wishing you are feeling better.
patti

Can you explain what you mean by "Was it just impossible to complywith my request?" I know the question is posed to c&e, but I think it began generally. What request?

“That's a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world.” ― Sorachi Hideaki

Pro Empowerment!

Becket, that was to you.
becket's picture

"Please point me to the post wherein I allegedly said you had just got done "sucking [another] poster's cock"."
“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” ― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

Oh I get it now. I wonder why you asked c&e why it was so difficult to comply. Her post was time stamped to be earlier than your request, she had nothing to do with the claim. I cannot give you the link to the post because I don't have it handy. Why would I? I’d have to hunt it down and I honestly don't have the inclination or patience to spend hours looking for it. Would it make much difference? Others probably don’t care and it’s not pleasant for me to think about.

“That's a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world.” ― Sorachi Hideaki

Pro Empowerment!

gi gi, You should just learn to enjoy soup on soup's terms, Clara. love it. LOL. brett, Let go & let soup. Love it. ha ha
patti
becket's picture

You're saying causeandeffect had nothing to do with the quote "wherein I allegedly said [she] had just got done "sucking [another] poster's cock"."? Is this what you mean? If that is so, why did she say that, and to whom do you suppose she said it?
“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” ― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

You are shit posing as fact. You are just a sad little stepper with no real friends who would not get any attention anywhere so you come on here to argue. Nobody cares about you. Nobody wants you, nobody would give a shit if you did not exist. Have a nice day behind your computer! How many hours do you and the delightful dear Clara spend here on an average day mouthing off trying to get a reaction when in reality the majority of what you write is simply ignored by everybody who is bored with it. You are obsessional and have simply made blogging on here a major part of your sad little lives. Obviosly you could not find the path to normal living or is it that you just could not deal with the real world because you are ignored and ridiculed there as well. Some people will do anything for a bit of attention!

Soup = using without the havoc

“That's a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world.” ― Sorachi Hideaki

Pro Empowerment!

Clara's picture

MF, you can keep me out of your arguments. If you have anything with any legitimacy, it would stand on its own. Antis could come here and blog all day with no remarks such as yours, but if an AAer does, she has a sad, tragic live... It might describe others, but it doesn't begin to describe mine.
Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.
Clara's picture

The only havoc about soup is around here, not in AA. I wonder what they tell you in France, home of some of the finest cuisine in the world.
Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

ha ha, LOL
patti

C&E wasn't involved with the comment in any way and didn't make reference to it at all. I'm am the one that said it. That aside, the discussion that we had (you and I) a while back went as I described it above. I hold by the claim. If you don't remember it that way or don't remember it at all, I can't help it. Sorry, I'm not gonna dig into the forum to prove it.

“That's a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world.” ― Sorachi Hideaki

Pro Empowerment!

I do believe anyone that spends as much time as you bickering has a sad little life! The comments you made on the ironic thread showed a total lack of understanding of the situation and were pitiful. You have added nothing to this forum which generally attracts people who have no interest in going back to AA as they have interact with people like yourself. You seem to feel coming on here and taking over threads somehow empowers you and that is rather sad. I suppose it is the only way you can get any attention and that is rather sad. Your constant bitcheness to other people on this forum shows your true side, and that is rather sad. The fact that you can only find a husband who has gone through several failed marriages in a self help group for drunks and druggies is sad. The fact that you constantly invent things is rather sad. The fact that you believe the rubbish you write is rather sad. You are Obviosly obsessed with this forum and that is rather sad. You are the type of idiot that has retarded the recovery movement with your big book and steps. That is sad. I do hope you enjoy sitting in meetings for the rest of your life reading chapter 5 and making tea, it's where you belong and the only place your crap is accepted.

That the booze is to kill the germs?
becket's picture

QED is also medical shorthand for "four times daily" or "once every six hours".
“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” ― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian
Clara's picture

Legally? Glad that she is enjoying herself, but she is no more legal than I was since I wasn't the card carrying MMJ patient when I was getting it for Spike.
Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.
becket's picture

mfc66uk, I am not posing as anything. If I want to interject fact I support it with notation or attribution. The rest comes from experience, 63 years of experience. How is it that you label experience as shit? It happened as it happened, and I learned from it what I could. Some of it was shitty, no doubt; but that does not dilute its legitimacy or its authenticity. It's a belly laugh to read that you think I spend all my time at the computer. It's so easy to pick you off, like pigeons on a rooftop. Takes no time at all. Be angry. Go ahead. For every post I make you get angrier and more perplexed because I don't fall in behind and chant your anti-AA SHIT. Waste your own hours and days countering anything I have to say. The net result is exposure of your own narrowmindedness and wicked, hateful heart. Have a day, now. Good? Bad? That's up to you, as you whistle in the dark.
“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” ― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian
Clara's picture

I do. I am sure that every abstinent alcoholic in France doesn't starve, either! LOL is right.
Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Well, in France they'd also probably tell you that 6 beers isn't excessive and that looking to religion to cure your woes is painfully archaic, while offering you another glass of wine. I have yet to meet anyone from France who doesn't think American obsessions with religion are completely weird, not to mention distasteful.
Pennywise's picture

Plus even with a card it's still illegal under federal law.
Have you listened to your Arnold ZeDVille today? http://www.reverbnation.com/arnoldzedville/songs
Clara's picture

Who cares what they think about religion? I've certainly met a religious frog in my life. And, PIE, it matters not if they think 6 glasses of whatever is harmful. How about offering you a pill? The only important part of that is what I believe about it for myself.
Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

(Don't worry that she'll be offended, All - her husband has allegedly forbidden her from seeing my posts, apparently because I pointed out that her daddy sounded pompous.) The challenge is: One point for each time you spot a Clara comment beginning with the words "who cares?". It is her way of deflecting any point that she can't answer. Her comment above makes no sense whatsoever, btw. I think she's getting desperate. (And before you say anything, becket - don't bother.)

"Who cares?".... While she searches her Clancy Manual.

“That's a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world.” ― Sorachi Hideaki

Pro Empowerment!

how about points for "not in my group" "I", how about 10 points for spotting a lie before it becomes obvious. What will we call this game, how about a contest to pick a name for the game? oh I could get into this.

Brett

I also think French people care quite a lot about being called "frogs" (a racist term) whether they are religious or not.

for anyone who spots an occasion on which Clara responds in any serious or intelligent way to any kind of serious issue?
causeandeffect's picture

For the record, I have absolutely no knowledge of this cock sucking incident. I don't know why I'm being dragged into this. It's not the kind of thing I would say. My understanding, as of late last night, was this comment was directed at PIE. Becket, I don't even know what request you're referring to. You have been known to get confused at times, becket. Once, you attributed your very own post to JR. I understand that head meds can mess with you sometimes. Maybe it's time for a tweak.
"The ideal tyranny is that which is ignorantly self-administered by its victims. The most perfect slaves are, therefore, those which blissfully and unawaredly enslave themselves." ~Dresden James

everyone one starts off with a 6 pak, ya lose 1 beer everytime you catch her, first one to finish ( binge) the 6 pak wins. 6 bloody beer binge, bloody pretending bludger, get a real job.

Brett

btnben's picture

I'm sure this can be modified to suit the current purpose. http://www.orange-papers.org/forum/comment/17670#comment-17670 First to type "Billshit" gets to cross off the relevant square...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

Oh my. Avo, you woman of merit, you! It amazes me that anyone would suggest that I make blogs about me. Such a happy recovered woman.
Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.
Clara's picture

How about everyone put needles up their arms and pills down their throats? No fun if the DOC isn't what gets you off. What is this about? I frankly don't understand how anyone can claim I derail threads.
Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.
btnben's picture

Starting to backfire a bit now Clara, isn't it?...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

causeandeffect's picture

I think we should call it bullshit bingo.
"The ideal tyranny is that which is ignorantly self-administered by its victims. The most perfect slaves are, therefore, those which blissfully and unawaredly enslave themselves." ~Dresden James
causeandeffect's picture

How about points for every time she says "AA knows it's not the only way to stop drinking. Any AA will tell you that."
"The ideal tyranny is that which is ignorantly self-administered by its victims. The most perfect slaves are, therefore, those which blissfully and unawaredly enslave themselves." ~Dresden James

How about points for Clara responses that do not relate in any way to what the person responded to has said? The one above being a case in point. Did Avo suggest that Clara was making blogs about herself, other than in Clara's egocentric mind? Did this really merit the sarcastic ad hom comment about Avo being a 'happy recovered woman'?
btnben's picture

Phone your sponsor Clara...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

Of course, it isn't. I didn't understand the Clancy Manual bit. I would imagine this man has a better life than most of these people on this board. But... but... omg, making it about ME! I am sure no one sees the hypocrisy in this.
Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.
Clara's picture

Why should I, Ben? I mean, 6 beers is nothing to get anyone in trouble, is it? Why shouldn't the rest of the group have some fun with their DOCs? I mean, PIE was never really addicted to anything. Neither was Avo. They just nearly lost their families because of some made up thing. I'm surely not an alcoholic despite my DUIs and other problems because your situation was so much worse.
Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.
btnben's picture

Happens to all steppers eventually...lol. It's a principle...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

For at least four totally unrelated and irrelevant remarks. It's going to be a problem knowing how to score this, though.
Clara's picture

I don't think I ever knew the plot, but I know the Clancy Manual has to be about me. Who else would be accused of having one, eh? I have often wonered, Ben, why you and the others really think they are much different than Beckett...
Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

What step are you on?
Clara's picture

Been through the steps, Unhinged. Now I am practicing feeling that others are spiritually sick and should be looked upon as such, and are worthy of prayer.
Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Yuck.
"If I forget who I am, I am myself. If I remember who I am, I am you."

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