Anyone Ever Think About Suicide?

Do any of you really just hate life either way? My life isn't manageable when I'm high, and no matter how long I kick dope for, it doesn't get better. High was just always something I did instead of suicide.

Anyone ever think about the most painless way to go? I'd think it would be an overdose. It would cost a hell of a lot of money for me to overdose on anything, that's for sure. Besides, if I was high I wouldnt want to kill myself until it was gone.

I graduated, and I feel even worse.

I've got an appointment at 1:30 for a hepatitis screening. I have a little money but no proof of income. I hope they'll see me. My girlfriend has lupus, so if I have hep..well, it would have to end, huh?

Comments

Clara's picture

SELF medicating is the key word! And, no, I haven't heard anyone ever do what DeCon has suggest. No insulin, no blood pressure meds, no viagra, no birth control. That is just a farce.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

causeandeffect's picture

What you fail to understand, clara, is there is a difference between someone drinking or using drugs in an attempt to normalize their minds (that's called self-medication) and accidentally getting addicted, and someone seeking medical help to normalize their minds and doing what the Dr. instructs (that's not self-medicating). That's a distinction most AA members don't understand. I'll be happy to explain it further if necessary.

causeandeffect's picture

Oh and clara, your Living Sober book admits to AA members having persuaded people into ceasing all kinds of medications, including those for physical problems. Sometimes with disastrous results, it said.

So if you have an argument, take it up with AA.

Clara's picture

No, I haven't failed to understand it, Cause. If you would read what I post instead of just leaping in, you know that I have said this very thing. I think most AA members DO understand it.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

The uneducated are usually a dangerous lot, and in this case they're not just dangerous, they're deadly. Of course, remember, part of what was brought up here wasn't self-medicating at all, though I know what you're saying. That's one of the worst parts though, steppers acting as if someone is just still getting high when it's actually someone with a medical degree prescribing them something for replacement therapy (usually on a wean down dose, too).

Clara's picture

Not all steppers... But a person being weaned off of one drug by someone with a medical degree but continuing to use other things is just still getting high.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

So what? I've known loads of people who used pot recreationally to "get high". Much of the time I was calling them, "Professor", too. This may just be a generational thing, but I don't see smoking weed any differently than I see drinking (normal drinking, I mean). It's not very dangerous and I don't see the problem, regardless of someone's "status" as having been addicted to something ELSE in the past. Opiates are incredibly different than marijuana. It's not quite the same thing. To me, at least.

Maybe I'm just judgmental when it comes to that stuff, I also didn't care how much bisque you ordered with sherry, either. That's your business. As is her weed smoking. I don't know if you noticed, but she got happy when she mentioned the weed, which is far better than what was being discussed up-thread. It goes back to what Avo was saying earlier, there's no point in people being completely clean and sober (whatever that means to people) if they're miserable! Me, I'm different, I like having absolutely nada affecting my mood, but that's a very rare personality type to have, and I would never judge anyone else for not being that way (boy, would THAT be a weird and lonely little world to live in!).

becket's picture

Many of us have been to the neurotransmitter party. I understand it from having experienced imbalances in brain chemistry and having been medicated for it. I would neither deny a diabetic insulin (although that's kinda of more a pancreatic thing rather than a brain thing) nor deny a cardiac patient his daily baby aspirin. Self-medicating is different than being under the care of a doctor. There's a fine line between taking a matter into one's own hands and looking for any reason on the planet to relieve anxiety, or the perception of a reason for anxiety. That's what causes geographicals, "relapses", etc. So what is truly at the heart of addiction? The promise of feeling better? Brain chemistry? Careful you don't make a case for the disease theory here.

Is "normalizing one's mind" measured subjectively or objectively?

You just want to support the platform of having one's cake and eating it too.

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

becket's picture

""Everyone is encouraging using"? "

What post does this appear in? It's getting difficult to make the correct associations. Thanks.

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

Clara's picture

Yes, I would say this to a 40 or 50 year old or more. It is not an ageist thing. It was said to me at 47.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

She has swallowed the Billshit philosophy hook, line and sinker. The fact that she regurgitates it as a conditioned reaction rather than after thinking means that her answers are often contradictory and sometimes outright barking mad. She is not to blame. This is the AA faith in all its glory.

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

becket's picture

"We should be thankful to Clara."

Then act like it.

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

massive's picture

This thread is a great example of the insanity in AA and how steppers think!

It's no one fucking business if someone has alcohol in a food item that is cooked, or a anti depressant, or medical Marijuana or an aspirin!!! Ironic is not a drinker, so it doesn't matter if she has a beer or what ever.
Ironic came here talking about suicide and clara has gone the done the me , me, me path like a good stepper that she is.

So self absorbed the conversation once caring and filled with concern on the thread has been reduced to talking about if it matters if one rinses their mouth with mouth wash.

I AM SO FUCKING GLAD I LEFT AA after hearing and reading this ridiculous bullshit on this thread.
Get Over yourself. You aught to be ashamed Clara. This thread was about someone who was suicidal.

AA is filled with people who cross normal boundaries all day long. I hate when I see this here. This is not AA. We don't care what AA thinks here. We do not respect AA here. We do not work AA steps here. We think the BB and the Traditions are lies and complete foolery.

Massive

becket's picture

"It's no one fucking business if someone has alcohol in a food item that is cooked, or a anti depressant, or medical Marijuana or an aspirin!!!"

Maybe now the posters who are using this as leverage against others can just leave it alone. Wouldn't that be nice?

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

Pennywise's picture

To be clear, I have no problem if Clara or anyone else eats foods containing liquor. I don't think it changes the fact that she is "sober." However, she's not "abstinent." This is because, contrary to the advice in "The Doctor's Opinion," Clara continues to moderately ingest alcohol. I feel the need to belabor this point whenever Clara claims abstinence for herself, lest new readers become deceived. Moreover, Clara's alcohol ingestion is an example of why Dr. Silkworth was full of nonsense, and we should never pass on an opportunity to refute cult dogma. Again, my point is not that people should refrain from eating alcoholics foods. But if you do consume such dishes, you shouldn't call it abstinence, because in reality it's moderation.

"I will not agree to anything which is opposed to the unity of the Universal Church, no matter who may try to persuade me,..." ~ Oath of Boniface

Clara's picture

I'll respectfully disagree, Penny, because I do not believe it is the same as sitting down to a drink in either act or intent. I don't think you are as interested in helping a reader as you are in arguing, or we would have left this the first time it was discussed.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Pennywise's picture

Ok then, in your mystical world, what does it mean to abstain from alcohol? In the real world it means not consuming any alcohol. Putting fortified wine in soup and then ingesting it is consuming alcohol, so in the real world a person who does that is not abstaining. But you live in some weird world where words take on whole new meanings, so it's quite difficult to have a normal debate with you. Anyway, in Claraland, what exactly does it mean to abstain from something? If I abstain from beating my wife, can I at least slap her with an open hand?

"I will not agree to anything which is opposed to the unity of the Universal Church, no matter who may try to persuade me,..." ~ Oath of Boniface

Clara's picture

Yes, it was, Massive, but it also changed. Ironic herself changed it. I hope that she is having a nice time in Boulder and staying away from mountain oysters.

But you can blame me since it is easier than blaming her or any of the many that have debated the soup issue into the ground even when I tried to end it.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

OK Clara, I'll try to stop after this post, because I find this annoying and tedious, personally. But I cannot let that one pass.

"But you blame me since it is easier than blaming her..."

Why are you even suggesting that the person going through an emotional turmoil is someone who should be "blamed"? What the bloody hell?!? Good lord, I hope Ironic manages to keep steppers at bay out there on the ground, because I can see it right now. Let's blame her and tell her what she's doing wrong! It'll be "tough love"! Ugh. I need a barf bag.

Clara's picture

No, PIE, she came back after the crisis had passed and started talking about something else. The thread changed then. I don't know when it got on to soup, but I imagine if you go back, it will be Ben or Penny that introduced that into the forum.

Put blame where it is due, if that word is in your vocabulary, but don't just heap it onto someone because of an pro AA stance.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Ironic's picture

What crisis has been averted? I feel this way all the time.

Clara's picture

Ironic, you have stumped me. So much more going for you than I ever did at your age...

I wish it were different. I hope you take that with the sincerity intended...

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Clara's gone into severe "last word" mode these last few days. She's just got to have it - the last word I mean, not the piss-head soup. When I see this particular brand of stepper ignorance I can understand why there is often violence in the rooms. I put these people in the same class as wasps and phlegm. What I mean is that if God saw these as part of some divine plan, well, he was having a bit of an off day.

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

That isn't accurate, Ben. When I agreed to disagree, who came back with a disseration on just what that means? I believe it was you, dear.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

LOL

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Well Ben, I really couldn't help myself. TBH, Clara doesn't really usually bother me. But throwing out a slogan on a suicide thread, yeah, you'd better believe I won't lay off of that. It'd be tedious to keep up on a regular basis though, damn.

Clara's picture

PIE, I wouldn't expcet you to agree with me on this board or any other, but I can imagine that the first thing a person thinks of when hearing about a suicide would be something along the lines of what was going on in that poor person's life that made them think THAT was the answer? I know that I would.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Way to finally arrive at that answer!

causeandeffect's picture

And the tragedy begins when they convince someone that they can alleviate these issues with a big bunch of billshit.

The whole point about depression is that there doesn't have to be anything going on for it to hit. That's why it is so hard to see when people are in trouble. When things happen that you think might tip them over, many times they cope normally. Then something minor, or even nothing, will happen and they dive into the dangerous depths. I see it often in a friend who harms herself. I may be being selfish, but I hate feeling so helpless because there is nothing I can do about it. Believe me, I've tried.

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

Sad, sad, sad. I don't know much about bipolar and other types of depression. My experience has been limited to circumstances not chemical situations in my body that can make it spring from nowhere. I can understand feeling helpless over not being able to do something helpful. I think that I just being human, Ben. The closest I think I have been to anything described about the body is peri-menopause. It's a crazy making experience but I am not sure is using anything recreationally would be a good thing.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Massive, what are you saying! Are you trying to say that xAs are self-absorbed? No, never! People who must analyze every single thought and idea that pops into their brains (for their own good, naturally) aren't the least bit self-absorbed! Surely not these people who feel important enough to share their life stories OVER AND OVER AND OVER again to practical strangers. Or think themselves self-important enough to think their brains are that unique that they are "dangerous neighborhoods"...lol.

Be glad. You escaped! It only takes a little slogan-bombing to remind you how much you DON'T miss it, huh? Ditto here.

Clara's picture

I would like to think Massive escaped, but I imagine that AA is as much a topic in her daily life as it was when she was going to meetings and enjoying it.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

That's like saying police and criminals are the same because they both deal with law breaking.

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

But if you wanted out, you'd get out and never have anything to do with it again.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

that it was a con that was killing people, don't you have the moral obligation to inform people of the fact?

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

I am sure that people can convince themselves of anything. This is the same person that hates AA, yet continues to go, and then comes back here to post about how much she hates AA. Doesn't seem productive. Goes to SMART meetings and SOS meetings to talk about how much she hates AA. This hate is relatively new, Ben. she said she loved AA until 2 years ago.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

You've convinced yourself you're an alcoholic AND that AA works...lol Again - QED...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

I believe for some that it does, Ben. Just because my drinking history didn't mimic yours doesn't change things much.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

and are filled with "believe" and "maybe" and "IMHO". IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU CLARA - TRY SOME FACTS ONCE IN A WHILE.

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

Who cares, Ben? If anyone else started a post with "I", you wouldn't blink an eye. You have a typo in there, too. As was suggested to me, you should proofread a bit...

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Oddly enough, we weren't discussing anything 12 step on this thread until you brought it up, Clara. But Massive commenting on your slogan-bombing of a suicide thread is blameworthy? Okie dokey. Have fun with that.

becket's picture

Here's an example of your giving as good as you get, Persephone ("Massive, what are you saying!" ^^) see what I mean?

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

Well Becket, maybe rehab just trained me really well? Who knows.

becket's picture

. . . in the art of WHAT?

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

Dishing it out, Becket. Or strengthening my already healthy bullshit detector. The art of paying a huge bill. You figure it out.

becket's picture

Deliberate obfuscation never helps to clear a path to understanding.

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

Massive & Penny,
Right on. I was taught a few different times & places, including a culinary class that the alcohol content in any alcohol used for cooking is removed due to heat & that it's flavor remains & that is the point of using in cooking for the flavor, not for any kind of buzz. Also I don't believe the stepper theory that an alcohol addict will go on a bender & then drink till they die, jail or institution due to not being aware of ingesting a small amount of alcohol or being aware they ingested a small amount, mouth wash, etc. This is Wilson theory, still like all his Billshit, just a theory. I do believe in the power of negative suggestion, brain & bill washing & terrifying & frightening people & convincing fragile addicts that slipping can happen any second or moment of the day unless they vigilantly step & give up being their own person & give up their own mind & critical thinking.
Massive, you are so right, this thread has been the epitome of the madness of Stepperism.

patti

Such a mixture is azeotropic, meaning you can't separate them by distillation (boiling). The idea that you cook off the alcohol is an urban myth.

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

becket's picture

Alcohol Burn-off Chart
Preparation Method and Percent Retained
alcohol added to boiling liquid & removed from heat: 85%
alcohol flamed: 75%
no heat, stored overnight: 70%
baked, 25 minutes, alcohol not stirred into mixture: 45%
Baked/simmered dishes with alcohol stirred into mixture:
15 minutes cooking time: 40%
30 minutes cooking time: 35%
1 hour cooking time: 25%
1.5 hours cooking time: 20%
2 hours cooking time: 10%
2.5 hours cooking time: 5%

~ U.S. Department of Agriculture

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.”
― Christopher Hitchens, Letters to a Young Contrarian

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