Anyone Ever Think About Suicide?

Ironic's picture
Submitted by Ironic on Tue, 05/08/2012 - 09:07

Do any of you really just hate life either way? My life isn't manageable when I'm high, and no matter how long I kick dope for, it doesn't get better. High was just always something I did instead of suicide.

Anyone ever think about the most painless way to go? I'd think it would be an overdose. It would cost a hell of a lot of money for me to overdose on anything, that's for sure. Besides, if I was high I wouldnt want to kill myself until it was gone.

I graduated, and I feel even worse.

I've got an appointment at 1:30 for a hepatitis screening. I have a little money but no proof of income. I hope they'll see me. My girlfriend has lupus, so if I have hep..well, it would have to end, huh?

Comments

Ironic's picture

Ironic

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 20:08

No idea what an Ashkenazi mind is.

Like an Ashkenazic Jew? I do happen to be one of those.

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 20:14

Yes, that is what I mean.

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

Pogue Mahone

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 19:46

Hello Ironic,

I was dxed in 06 with hep-c when I was getting detoxed and was tested a couple years later but came out clean. I guess I had a false positive the first time tested. You might want to checkout delphi forums and chat in the hep- c groups..they were very helpful there for me and put my mind at ease. I hope you are feeling better.

http://forums.delphiforums.com/hepc/start

Pogue Mahone

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 19:52

Don't forget to bring a towel!

http://www.to14.com/game.php?id=4d486a67a27d3

patti

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 19:55

Ironic,
have a good time on your trip. enjoy the change of scenery, it is a good thing, especially when feeling this way. It is so easy for me to write, but just try to have a peaceful time & give your self a breather.

patti

Ironic's picture

Ironic

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 20:50

I really appreciate the link. Thank you.

justme's picture

justme

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 21:41

Please feel free to write to me, too, if you'd like. We have a lot in common. Have a great trip!

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 13:55

Interesting thread about not being able to live life on life's terms without using, so everyone is encouraging use instead of... growing up. I am glad that Ironic is feeling better and the crisis appears to have passed, but good gosh, folks!

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 14:02

Clara, what does it mean to "live life on life's terms?" What exactly are the "terms" of life?

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

massive's picture

massive

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 23:59

Penny- sounds like Clara is talking stepper talk.

Massive

Trisha K.'s picture

Trisha K.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 16:28

You know exactly what Clara is talking about. You yourself flirted with severe self destruction for years. Now you are promoting it, as free living?

“The more I traveled the more I realized that fear makes strangers of people who should be friends.”
Shirley MacLaine

JR Harris's picture

JR Harris

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 16:52

Better hurry up and finish your burgers and get along now, you're giving McDonalds a bad name. Besides that, their wifi is real easy to identify (they do that for a reason).

"Tradition 10 - Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the AA name ought never be drawn into public controversy." Please follow orders from the Interchurch Center if you are an AA member and don't comment.

btnben's picture

btnben

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 14:09

Plumbing new depths of stupidity here Clara. That attitude EXACTLY explains why AA has such a deplorable suicide rate (ask Vaillant). AA says "Don't drink whatever happens". What if someone is in the awful position that they only have two options - get wasted or harm themselves. AA's preaching says harming yourself is the preferred option. Fucking disgraceful.

Every time you post, you make it clearer that you have never had a problem with addiction of any kind. Is there anything about you that is real?

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 14:21

You may disagree with me, Ben. The only person that has to understand the damage that including booze in my life did is me. I'm not suggesting that someone harm themselves, but if drinking or using was your coping mechanism, finding something else seems to be a no brainer. I understood the addiction was to heroin, yet she gleefully talks of dropping this or smoking that, or giving up bud for a week to help a friend that had a horrific things happen to her. She's upset about a potential medical problem and the answer is to fly off and smoke med grade. I should have just sent some to her. This is pure recreation whereas the Sub is something I agree with...

The difference (IMO) is that I believe in abstinence. Others on this board don't share that. Some even wish they hadn't been physically sober for years and had learned to drink more properly. It's just my opinion, but that isn't real recovery. "Management" perhaps... That is why marijuana maintenance is looked down on in AA, or saving something 'scribed for an original purpose for a "feel good" time in the future. This isn't just a slogan to me. It's good sense, and I heard it long before I went into the fellowship.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 14:23

Except you are not abstinent (you consume liquor in small quantities) and you think it is OK to drop LSD in AA as long as you justify it by claiming to be taking part in an "experiment."

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 14:33

I do believe that Bill was participating in a study, but whatever it was, it was his choice. As was noted by another on this forum, we all ingest small bits of alcohol even if we aren't sitting down to a drink. There is a difference to me, Penney, and I have explained it. Apparently, too, mine is not an unaccepted pov as many in my circle in MB wouldn't refuse Choco-Kahlua Cake or a good chicken piccata. I know others that wouldn't use mouthwash... despite needing it! That is their choice.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

btnben's picture

btnben

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 14:35

"Apparently, too, mine is not an unaccepted pov as many in my circle in MB wouldn't refuse Choco-Kahlua Cake or a good chicken piccata. Or a bottle of vodka and a pint of coke"...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 14:37

A bottle of vodka and a pint of coke differs a great deal. I think you get the drift. Bush is a recovered alcoholic, but I don't seem to recall that the White House menus suggested that McNuggets were served at State dinners because he had been a drunk.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

btnben's picture

btnben

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 14:39

It's like talking to a 3 year old - the coke was to drink with the vodka...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 14:41

Why did you think I didn't understand just what you meant? Of course, I never knew anyone to drink such a morbid concoction... Must be a Brit thing.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Persephone In Exile's picture

Persephone In Exile

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 15:28

Bill Burroughs did in his waning years (and probably before). Always vodka and coke.

http://badrecovery.blogspot.com/

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 16:00

It sounds ghastly, but then I shouldn't speak to it, I suppose. We drank Cutty Sark and Mountain Dew as our high school drink.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

btnben's picture

btnben

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 16:06

http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink8099.html

I used to like W C Fields' hangover cure - "Take the juice from half a bottle of vodka....."

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 14:39

Methinks we have a new person reworking my posts!

Just because you wouldn't do it or it wouldn't to you doesn't mean that others have to suffer through mundane menus.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 14:45

Yeah but you specifically go out of your way to get liquor. That's different from eating a food that already has a bit of liquor in it as a standard ingredient. Like I said, I've never seen a Stepper specially order booze for her own consumption. As far as LSD goes, Bill Wilson took the drug solely to achieve its intoxicating effects on the mind. Interestingly, you claim your wine consumption is OK because you DON'T consume it to alter your mental state. None of this is consistent. Nor is the idea of Bill Wilson giving Lois acid so she could trip with him and his buddies at Stepping Stones consistent with any type of professionally controlled study.

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 14:52

Yes, I asked that it be served to me in a fashion not customary for MB. Try that in Annapolis, boy!

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 15:19

duplicate

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 15:19

So quit saying your abstinent. Just say you don't get drunk anymore.

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 15:23

So... what you are saying is that I have to surrender to YOUR beliefs? To say that I don't get drunk anymore could suggest that I sit down with a nice chianti with the liver and fava beans. I just don't have five. That isn't true.

Penny, in your experience, were you told that you must believe each and every single solitary thing presented to you in AA? Were they absolutes rather than the suggestions AA iterature describes them? Besides, my sponsor never told me that I couldn't eat food as I was accustomed to eating...

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 15:27

This is not even about AA per se. This is about words and the meaning of those words. You say you are abstinent yet you order booze to consume. That's not abstinence. It might not be drunkenness, but it's certainly not abstinence. And I did not write the definition of abstinence, so your beef is with the dictionary.

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 16:02

We will have to agree to disagree, Penny. I believe that I am abstinent despite your insistence that eating Crab Bisque in the traditional way is a slip. I simply don't.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 16:04

Yes, feel free to disagree with the dictionary and widely accepted definition of words.

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 16:06

Which is fine. I do disagree with it.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 16:17

   

 “I don’t know what you mean by ‘glory,’ ” Alice said.
    Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. “Of course you don’t—till I tell you. I meant ‘there’s a nice knock-down argument for you!’ ”
    “But ‘glory’ doesn’t mean ‘a nice knock-down argument’,” Alice objected.
    “When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less.”
    “The question is,” said Alice, “whether you can make words mean so many different things.”
    “The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which is to be master      that’s all.”
    Alice was too much puzzled to say anything, so after a minute Humpty Dumpty began again. “They’ve a temper, some of them—particularly verbs, they’re the proudest—adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs—however, I can manage the whole lot! Impenetrability! That’s what I say!”

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 15:27

Penny, I just did an online search of crab bisque recipes and wouldn't you know that each one called for cooking sherry? Lawdy, lawdy!

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 15:28

Well apparently not all recipes for crab bisque call for cooking sherry since you had to specially order a glass of it in Myrtle Beach.

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 15:51

If you google the recipes, you'll notice some add the sherry at serving and not in the preparation. I didn't order a glass. I ordered a sherry service. So, you are still off, Penny. It's a traditional accompaniment for the dish. But never accuse Penny of beating a horse in an effort to be right.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 15:49

What is sherry service and how is it different than ordering the alcoholic beverage known as sherry?

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 15:53

It is generally a seasoned sherry with salt, pepper and other seasonings in a little cup, depending on how fancy the place is... It's not much different than when ordering iced tea in Charleston and they bring you a simple syrup service so you can sweeten your own. I've posted this.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 15:56

So it means they bring you a cup of booze which you then consume. That's what I thought. That's not abstinence.

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 16:03

When I say cup, I am not referring to a glass of wine. Myrtle Beach may be the odd one out, but you'll notice mose recipes call for it. Agree to disagree, my dear. I'm done with the topic.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

gigi

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 16:48

You should just learn to enjoy soup on soup's terms, Clara.

"If I forget who I am, I am myself. If I remember who I am, I am you."

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 16:49

Ha ha!

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

Brett

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 19:45

soup on soups terms, bloody brilliant
maybe
let go & let soup

Brett

btnben's picture

btnben

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 16:01

And Clara still won't admit that sherry is booze. For someone who considers 6 Grande Marniers a binge, I would have thought ANY amount of alcohol would be skating on thin ice? Unless you're not an alcoholic of course...lol

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

Clara's picture

Clara

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 16:05

I know. Penny's lack of acceptance is huge.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

Pennywise's picture

Pennywise

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 16:36

You're right. I don't accept your topsy-turvy definitions of otherwise well understood words.

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

btnben's picture

btnben

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 16:38

".....and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it" tsk, tsk, tsk.

God damn it, get me a whiskey

Bill W, Deathbed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?source=patrick.net&v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

avogadno's picture

avogadno

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 19:35

The proof is in the post. Is that what you are saying?

Clara, a pet peeve that I have about AA is that every group, sponsor, member has different definitions and ideas as to what alcoholism and sobriety is. What you find as acceptable in one area would kill you in another. No shit and they aren't all just different, but drastically so. If you moved to Northern Chicago from MB the doctors would send you straight (no pun) to treatment. No stopping for dinner and no pre lock-down sex or you will DIE. Hurry! There is a bed waiting for you at Rosecrance.

Pro Empowerment!
Truth about AA: http://orange-papers.org/menu1.html
Expose AA: http://www.expaa.org/

Clara's picture

Clara

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 05:51

That could be right, Avo. I have certainly heard different things in our meetings here than I did in MB. I spoke to John Patrick, one our sages, about Mickey's reaction to my ordering the side service. He told me that while he wouldn't suggest it to a newcomer, someone with some time away from booze might view it differently. His own wife (33) had bread pudding with bourbon sauce in New Orleans when we all went down there. But I also know a woman that changed her career over the same thing. She had been a chef and tasting all the sauces whetted her appetite for wine, so she got out ofthe business and became a massage therapist. But I know other alcoholics that happen to be chefs and it doesn't bother them. I imagine there are some people that find that questionable in part because it might be questionable for them.

Remember Christopher Stevens when you vote.

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